WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, and you may or may not be aware of it. It is often overlooked, excused, minimized, or denied. Learn to recognize the signs of an abusive relationship. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the definitions below, reach out. Help is available. No one should live in fear!
Domestic violence and abuse: Behaviours used to gain and maintain total control over you. A person that abuses will use fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to wear you down and assert control. The abuser may also threaten you, hurt you or hurt those around you.
The information below provides examples for different types of abuse:
Emotional abuse: name calling, constant criticism, putdowns, blaming, and mocking.
Physical abuse: hitting, choking, shoving, slapping, kicking, being injured with a weapon or object, and forcing consumption of drugs or alcohol.
Psychological abuse: threatening harm to you, others, self and pets, humiliation, harassment, damaging possessions, withholding food or medication, locking out of the home, obsessive jealousy, telling someone they aren’t lovable, and manipulation to cause confusion and doubt.
Financial abuse: withholding money, not allowing paid work, opening separate bank accounts, and financial dishonesty.
Sexual abuse: forcing unwanted sexual activity or touching, criticism of performance, unwanted sexual aggression.
Spiritual abuse: forcing, mocking or denying spiritual beliefs onto another person. Using spiritual or religious practice to control another person and make them feel bad or guilty.
Digital abuse: controlling social media sites and passwords, monitoring phone activity, and writing or exposing humiliating information online.
Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help.
Domestic abuse often gets worse over time. It hurts the person experiencing it and those who witness it, leaving possible lasting effects. Abusive relationships can lead to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Women experiencing violence often feel helpless and alone. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, GET HELP.
DOES YOUR PARTNER ABUSE YOU IN ANY OF THE FOLLOWING WAYS?
- Puts you down by calling you stupid, ugly, fat or crazy.
- Refuses money for food, rent, clothes, bills.
- Keeps you from family and friends.
- Threatens violence against you or your children if you try to leave, tell or get help.
- Destroys your personal things.
- Harms or threatens to harm your pet(s).
- Slaps, trips, punches, burns, pushes, kicks, chokes you or throws things at you.
- Forces you to have sex.
- Threatens to have you deported.
It’s not your fault.
Women often blame themselves for their partner’s abusive behaviour. Nothing you do will change your partner’s behaviour.
You may be staying because:
- You believe your children are better off living with two parents.
- You still love your partner and hope for change.
- You do not know where to find help/support.
- You have little or no money.
- You feel helpless and hopeless.
- You believe you have no place to go.
- You fear your partner will take revenge against you or your children.
Get Safe – Get Help!
Hiatus House Crisis line: 519-252-7781
Putting first things first starts with keeping safe!
In an emergency use the safety list on the get help tab
For additional resources and information for safety planning please contact the Hiatus House Helpline: 519-252-7781
“I will keep a suitcase, box or bag where I can get to it quickly and easily. In it, I will keep as many of the following items as I can”.
- an extra set of keys for the apartment or house and vehicle
- small bills and change for taxis and telephone calls
- identification papers – passport, social insurance card, birth certificates, immigration papers, citizenship card, aboriginal status card
- driver’s license and registration
- health cards and children’s immunization records for myself and my children
- divorce and custody papers
- restraining orders, peace bonds, any other court orders
- bank books, cheque book, credit cards, mortgage or loan papers
- lease/rental agreement, property deed, business or partnership agreements, rent or mortgage payment receipts
- address book
- photograph of my (ex) partner to help identify him/her
- a list of other items I can pick up later
In a crisis situation use the following safety check list.
- Dial 9-1-1 - Call the police.
- Write down - The names of police officers and any instruction given.
- Save ANY evidence - Collect and try save any evidence of the physical/sexual abuse.
- Seek Medical Attention
- Visit Sexual Assault / Domestic Violence Treatment Centre at Windsor Regional Hospital where you can get help with the collection of evidence such as photos, etc.
Address: Metropolitan Campus, 4th Floor - 1995 Lens Avenue, Windsor, ON
- Call the Assaulted Women’s Helpline: toll free 1-866-863-0511, TTY 1-866-863-7868
- Contact or visit Hiatus House. The shelter is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Address: 250 Louis Ave, Windsor, ON N9A 1W2
Helpline: 519-252-7781, toll free 1-800-265-5142, TDD 519-252-2768.
- Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
- Teen Health Centre: 519-253-8481
- Family Services Windsor-Essex Counselling & Advocacy: 519-966-5010
- Assaulted Women’s Helpline: toll-free 1-866-863-0511, TTY 1-866-863-7868
Domestic violence is a gendered crime…
- Spousal violence has been consistently identified as one of the most common forms of violence against women in Canada.1
Women experience more serious forms of spousal assault…
- Of the homicide cases with domestic violence involvement which occurred in Ontario from 2002 to 2015, 81% of victims were women, 9% were children and 10% were men.10
Domestic homicides are more common in certain relationships…
- Women are six times more likely to be killed by an ex-spouse than a current legally married spouse.13 In fact, the period immediately after a separation is the most dangerous for abuse victims.14
Many incidents of domestic violence are not reported to police…
- Less than one-third (30%) of female spousal violence victims state that the incident was reported to police (2009), down from 36% in 2004.16
Children are affected by domestic violence…
- Almost 6 in 10 women with children who were assaulted by spouses said their children heard or saw the violent episode (59%) (2009).33
Many women rely on women’s shelters to escape domestic violence…
- In 2017-18 there were over 68,000 admissions of women and children to the 552 shelters in Canada that provided services for abused women. (https://www.statcan.gc.ca/fra/debut)
Women attempt to leave an abusive relationship a number of times, before finally severing ties…
- The average woman will make up to five attempts to leave her abuser before ending the relationship permanently.40
The following links provide video resources:
Why domestic violence victims don't leave TED talk by Leslie Morgan Steiner
HELP & ADVICE
Getting Help starts with the first step. The following numbers are a resource to services and support programs that can help or direct you to find the resources you need.
Hiatus House 24/7 Helpline
Toll Free: 1-800-265-5142
Hiatus House Business Line
Kids Help Phone
Toll Free: 1-800-668-6868
Teen Health Centre
Legal Aid Ontario
Toll Free: 1-800-668-8258
Community Legal Aid
Legal Assistance of Windsor
Windsor-Essex Bilingual Legal Clinic
Bell Relay: 1-800-855-0511
Family Law Information Centres (FLICs)
Windsor Phone: 519-973-6620